Monday, February 13, 2012

Over the past 10 days a bridge has been built for which I can finally cross. I suppose I am so guilty of saying one thing but yet doing another. I am fiercely in love with my children and struggle to put barriers between us that make them feel as though I am not there. It's not much but it's enough to get a phone call that starts with a "Hey Mom" and ends with an "I love you" and reminds me of that very real young lady I know. Every once in a while I offer something here or there to help, a bus ticket, an alarm clock...just something simple. She doesn't ask for anything but advice sometimes and when I have offered just a little bit more help she has countered with a genuine "I'm alright" and I believe she is truly trying to do this on her own. I worry for her safety and I can sense her fear as well. She is doing this....she is, and I am proud of her. She doesn't have much...but what little she has...she is making on her own.

Monday, February 6, 2012

I hate how sometimes I feel like I did something wrong but I don't know exactly what it was. Then I sit and wonder if I am over analyzing a situations and pretending there is a "vibe" that really doesn't exist yet it seems to. My husband tells me that "these are just teenagers" and their moods. I suppose that is a real possibility but yet it makes me sad because I feel a total WALL, like hand in the face, "you really irritate me"aura exists between myself and one of mine here in the house. I don't know what I am supposed to do. I have apologized for everything I can possibly think of but it makes me feel like I am on the bottom of the bucket for motherhood I suppose. Crap. Gah...I just don't know what else I am supposed to do sometimes.

I want to get angry, really angry and stomp and throw and tantrum and say things that would probably be ridiculous because it may simply be as my husband says..."teenagers and their moods".

Who would look stupid then?